Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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