Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
