why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
