This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
