If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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