pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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