Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
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she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
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He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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