He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
