I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
