Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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