the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
