How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
