unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
