just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
