Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day

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(301): View more from Maryland

people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.

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(314): View more from Missouri

great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter

(1-314): View more from Missouri

at least I said it was good

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(516): View more from New York

the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."

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(301): View more from Maryland

we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking

(404): View more from Georgia

God bless your soul.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.

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