Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
