Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
