Jerry, you need to find god
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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