I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
All I want is dick and wine.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
