I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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