Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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