everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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