i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
