There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
