I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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