we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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