Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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