Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
