Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
