y did u give ur computer a hand job?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
