I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just tell him i said nine months
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
