you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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