I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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