i need an iv and a liver transplant
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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