seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
