My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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