hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
