he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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