He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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