i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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