Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
