woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
