I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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