If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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