my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
