If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
