i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
