Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
