I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
