I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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