I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
