Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
