Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?

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(434): View more from Virginia

I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.

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(845): View more from New York

People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk

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(519): View more from Ontario

So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"

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(314): View more from Missouri

In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends

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(661): View more from California

Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern

(619): View more from California

Maybe she doesn’t know you did him

(661): View more from California

Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome

(619): View more from California

Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again

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