omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
