Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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