It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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