Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
