Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
