Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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