Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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