I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
