When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
