Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
