i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
