WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
