Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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