Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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