Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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