On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Operation Purity has been aborted
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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