Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
