wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
