I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
