yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
