Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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