I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
